J and K, a Journey

Words I Never Thought I Would Say

2012-01-19T18:49:00.000-06:00

I miss waking up at 5:30 in the morning three times a week.

I miss rushing to make it to a 6:00 a.m. yoga class.

I miss thinking "I really don't want to do this."

I miss the feeling when that thought leaves my brain completely.

I miss feeling balanced with life and myself.

I miss feeling strength in places I didn't know existed.

I miss my 6:00 a.m. class.

Food Challenge

2011-10-24T12:23:00.002-05:00

Lately I've noticed that whenever I want to eat something, I automatically try to figure out what restaurant serves the food I'm craving. Instead of trying to make it myself. Hubs & I's eating out budget is out of control... we like food (although I'm the only one that shows it.)

So, this weekend... while I was sick (a/k/a not in the right mental state) I told myself that I am going to put us on a 30 day home cooked meal challenge. The only times we can eat out are: the rehearsal dinner & wedding we are apart of and if we are with our parents. Otherwise, I'm going to attempt to make 30 different meals for the 30 different days.

Let me begin, though, by saying that these 30 meals do not have to be made from scratch. I absolutely love my work schedule (9:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.), but with Houston traffic I don't get home till close to 7. I usually run in the house, start prepping for dinner, feed our furbabies, then feed us. So, sometimes convenience is what I need (especially on nights that I work late, which means I don't get home till AFTER 7).

So tonight, since I'm still not 100% on my game, I'm making us chili-cheese dogs. Its the easiest transition into putting us on food lockdown, I feel. After that... we shall see. I'm hoping I know enough recipes to cook something different on each day, rather than only cooking a few things and mixing it back up again.

I hope to track it all, (either on paper or the blog, hopefully the latter) and see how it all turns out. Plus, maybe we'll finally be able to reign in our out to eat budget. ;) There is always a plus side.

Pity Party for One

2011-08-24T17:24:00.001-05:00

Do you ever have those days where the only thing that matters is a pity party for yourself? You know what you need to do to shake it, but you can't get yourself to do it... so you throw yourself a pity party and all feels well.

I did that last night.

I needed to do it last night.

I've been running 100 mph for the last few weeks, keeping up with my weekly goals (!yea!) and moving forward, but last night.... I just felt overwhelmed and tired. So, I threw my hands up and said "I'm done."

And so, when the alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning, I rolled over and turned it off and went back to sleep. To wake up 10 minutes later and say "I'm not going to work out this morning, I won't make my class in time."

My pity party accidentally continued until this morning, obviously. Until I actually got my booty out of bed and took a shower, I didn't realize what was going on. Then, hit it me: I have to shake it off, get back on the horse, and move forward. (Because I surely don't want to go backwards).

So, my pity party is over {i hope} and I will actually be posting the other pics I did for the challenge. (See, I've been taking the pics... its just the follow through I'm lacking.)

But, my question is.... how often does a person have pity parties? Is once every three months good, or do they happen all the time?

Photo Challenge Day 5: Things I Love

2011-08-19T20:30:00.001-05:00

Things I Love:

My husband - who is my soul mate
Rocky Rockstar - who is my doggie soul mate
Tinka-Momma - the sweetest dog you'll ever meet
Austin the Great - the greatest watch dog I could ask for

Surprisingly, though, I was able to get the first three in one picture:

This never happens... nor does Tink ever pay attention to the camera.

Austin, on the other hand, often doesn't participate in anything like this... I rarely am able to get him to look at the camera. (I actually was stomping my foot to get him to look at me).

But these are my favorite living beings and why I love to come home every night. They make my day and constantly make me smile, even when I don't feel like it.

Love y'all!

Photo Challenge Day 4: Favorite Color

2011-08-18T21:35:00.000-05:00

I didn't know how I was going to accomplish taking a picture of my favorite color today. I didn't know where I would see my favorite color throughout the day.... Surprisingly, I see it all the time.

And what made my day even more? The fact that I took the picture during my favorite collaboration/song by Linkin Park and Jay Z.

So, purple... that's my favorite color!

Photo Challenge Day 3: Clouds

2011-08-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

So, this morning I went to work knowing I needed to take a picture of the clouds. I drove to work and stared at them, but realized that taking a picture and driving at the same time probably wasn't a smart idea. Then, I had to work until 7:15 tonight... which means when I left the office, I ran directly to my car and drove home. When I walked into the house, hubs and I tag teamed dinner so we'd stick to our eating at home place. And by the time we got done eating, the sun had set.

Did my sad story make you feel bad, at al?!?

Since I didn't take one today, I'm going to leave you with a picture of clouds I took at my parent's land.

Photo Challenge Day 2: What I Wore

2011-08-16T20:41:00.002-05:00

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I realized something. I wear a lot of the same colors... teal, purple, deep pinks, and blacks. That's pretty much all I have. I pulled this outfit on mainly because it is so hot.

I can't bring myself to wear pants in triple digit weather. And I really didn't want to wear a skirt or dress, so I pulled this on. Good thing you can't see my shoes (reef flip flops) because it shows what a laid back dresser I can be at work.

Thankfully, work is okay with it as long as I get my job done. Woo-hoo. Only really have to "dress up" when clients are coming in. Its nice.

Photo Challenge: Day 1

2011-08-15T19:33:00.001-05:00

Here is my day one photo challenge... a picture of myself. I hate taking pictures of myself, mind you.

Our webcam is in an angle where I actually had to sit on my knees to take this picture. All the other pictures I attempted to take only showed half of my head... so I guess that tells you how short I am.

I love the randomness of the stuff in our office. I have asked, numerous times, to change the picture in the back, but hubs usually ignores me. I guess that's his way of making it stay? I also love that my Master's hood is hanging on the door, a nice reminder if I'd take the time to remember it is there.

But, I did it. At least the first day. Only 29 more to go!

30 day photo challenge?

2011-08-15T14:31:00.002-05:00

So, Gemmerzz posted up this awesome 30 day photo challenge to do... and I think I'm going to attempt to do it. I can't promise a picture every day, but its pretty neat. Here is the challenge:

I'll post my day 1 pic tonight, before I begin my studying/cooking/blah half hour in front of the computer. I think you should do it too!

New Digs

2011-08-11T14:54:00.001-05:00

I have to give a huge shout out to Erin at Minx Design who updated my blog... and who was the easiest, most helpful blog designer I've met. I really didn't do much, other than tell her what I didn't like and she turned it into something I LOVE.

How often can you come across something like that?

I am hoping that this new space will give me the boost to begin writing again. I've missed it.

Priorities

2011-07-28T14:52:00.002-05:00

The other night, Hubs and I sat talking about priorities.... what is a priority to us, individually, and as a couple. All at 11 o'clock at night, mind you.

He said he loved my passion for things, but never knows how to approach me when they seem to just disappear. Like, my idea of teaching myself how to crochet (okay, honestly... to me its harder than knitting); or polishing up on Japanese; or even doing Bikram three times a week. {Granted, he has things, but I'm not putting them out there for everyone to see.}

So, after that talk, I decided... I need to change my priorities. I get into the groove of just being. I get up, do some yoga (at home), clean up a little, get ready for work, come home, cook, and then sit my lazy butt on the couch to watch mindless TV I don't really like.

Why oh why do I do that to myself?

My priorities, for myself, need to look like this:

House
Myself Physically (i.e., Bikram three times a week)
Myself Mentally (i.e., reading)
Japanese
Cooking Healthy
Family
Friends

So, now I just have to find BALANCE of making all these work together in a 24 hour day.

How do you schedule your priorities? What are your priorities?

The Things You Cannot Do

2011-07-13T17:25:00.001-05:00

Today, I saw this while I was browsing the world wide web.

I want to get this made into a t-shirt, a magnet, a key chain, and a screen saver. I feel like I need to see this on a daily basis. I need to remind myself, that what I think I cannot do and what is the truth are two different things.

Last month I started Bikram Yoga. It was kind of an "I wonder if I could do this" type of adventure. That first class was neat. I took it all in and got the info. The class the day after.... SUCKED. I kept thinking to myself "I thought this was supposed to get better?" and instead was in savasana pose for the majority of the time.

But, the biggest thing... I still went back. Mainly because, I wasn't going to waste my free passes. ;)

After that third class, though, something happened to me. I would stare at myself in the mirror and think "you can do this." It was like the first step of where I realized what I think I can't do and what I can do are opposites.

So, now I have to have this in mind for everything I do. I often don't do something because I have this outrageous anxiety that I will not be perfect at it. I am anything but perfect at attempting to be yogi, but I am trying. And being perfect isn't the goal of my life... trying new things is.

So, Eleanor, your words will be with me... whenever I have doubt.

Summer Reading

2011-07-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

I love to read. Reading is my favorite past time of all, because it puts you in a place that you weren't before. Here are some gems that I think are great for summer reading:

"Dead Reckoning" by Charlaine Harris

"Lesson Before Dying" by Ernest Gaines

"The Constant Princess" by Phillipa Gregory

"The Key to Rebecca" by Ken Follett

"I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb

I am thinking about reading this book, next. Does anyone know anything about it?

"The Stolen Child" by Keith Donohue

#1

2011-06-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

Last night I tweeted this:

My schedule at work got changed (yay!) which allows me more time in the morning to dilly-dally... which is exactly what I have been doing. For the first week, I got up and exercised every morning, got ready, cleaned something, and then went to work. After that first week, though....

But I realized last night that something was missing. That I needed to have those two hours to myself, because really... I need it. As much, if not more, than I need to be lazy and watch the world go by.

So this morning, bright and early, I ordered a yoga DVD that I love (and was able to try thanks to Exercise.tv) with the commitment that I'm going to make that part of my time.

I get so caught up in trying to get everything done, usually for everyone else. I need to remember the reason I get into a funk is because I am not putting myself as my top priority. Because, really, if I don't take care of myself, who is?

So, I'm giving everyone a pass to take a few moments (every.single.day.) to make themselves number 1. Even if it is only 60 seconds. If you don't, who will?

Just a Reminder

2011-06-16T11:31:00.000-05:00

Journey to Happiness

2011-06-13T17:52:00.000-05:00

There are so many things that make me happy. My husband. Family. Food. Laughter. Yoga. Pictures. Friends.

Yet, I will honestly say that I feel like there is a big thing missing from my life, that would bring me an abundant amount of happiness. {And no, kids haven't even crossed my mind}. Its a dream that lives deep down in my heart, that with age hasn't gone away. Instead, its gotten louder, with things that I feel like are "pointing" me in that direction.

But yet... my thought was, what am I willing to give up to be happy?

I know of two options to make my dream come true. One is the best way of doing it, without worries really popping into my head and feeling like it would be okay. The second option is the less desirable one, with me wondering how it would all work. Yet, both means lead to the same ending... so does it matter which option I take?

I don't know how much I am willing to give up to get to my dreams. I guess I'll find out when I get there.

The Bad Word

2011-06-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

Its amazing to me how a monosyllabic word can be so life altering.

Its the word we grew up hating. Its the word that can close doors. Its the word that can change things.

But what happens if we all decided to change the way we think about this tiny word? What happens if we changed our way to thinking that "the worst thing they can say is no," and shrug our shoulders? There would be no negative connotation, no anxiety in our guts -- instead, we'd think of it as a roadblock, as something we have to learn how to maneuver around.

I can say that I've often not done things, due to my fear of this word. I don't want anyone to tell me no; I don't like hearing that word. It kind of socks me in the stomach, and makes me stand glued to the floor.

But, I decided that this word can no longer be the reason why I don't pursue things. Its just a word, afterall...

WW

2011-04-26T15:19:00.000-05:00

Its weird when you get to a point in your life, where you have to admit defeat and turn to someone or something else. Especially when its something that should be in your control....

I'm talking about my weight.

About two months ago, I sucked up my pride and lack of losses and marched myself to the local Weight Watchers meeting.

Its helped.

Granted, I'm impatient and wish that all the weight would be gone, but its happening. And I see it happening.

Japan

2011-03-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

It's surreal watching the destruction of a place you love. The natural destruction of the place you think of as home. You don't know how to react, how to feel, or what to do.

Japan is close to my heart.... Japan is my heart. And right now, my heart is breaking.

I want to jump on a plane and go help. I want to make things better. I want to know that my uncle is okay, since no one has been able to get a hold of him. I want to see my Aunts and go "wow, they can withstand so much."

I want to see the place I love.

Yet, what would I do once I get over there? Being a paralegal doesn't help in these types of situations. My Japanese, at this point, is at a kindergarten level. My passport isn't even updated with my new name.

So, right now... I will have to be okay with donating money and prayers for everyone. And knowing that eventually, hopefully sooner than later, I will be able to see the wonderful country I love.

Getting my Swagger On

2011-03-07T15:17:00.000-06:00

I am the cheapest person you will probably ever meet. This weekend, the hubs and I went shopping for the house and I believe that every other word out of my mouth was "too expensive." I am frugal to the point that I probably annoy my hubs, but in the end... it works for me. I am never wanting anything. I have everything I need.

So, then, I happened upon this site that "pays me to search the internet." At first, I thought it was a total sham and didn't really do much with it. But, lately I've been playing more on it... and I've gotten $15 in Amazon gift cards for doing no more than playing on the internet.

If ya'll do alot of internet searching, use this... you can get points, which turn into swagbucks, which can turn into gift cards. Loving it.

Wish List: Houston Rodeo

2011-02-22T13:26:00.000-06:00

Its been ages since I've been to the rodeo. Hubs and I have never been to the rodeo together, which to me is amazing, considering we've been together for 8 years. Here is my wish list of tickets:

Tim McGraw

Keith Urban

Rascal Flatts

Lady Antebellum

Miranda Lambert

Granted, I doubt we'll be going to all of these shows... but it would make a smile appear on my face that won't fade quickly. I know we're going to at least one....

Loves v. Dislikes of HTown

2011-02-17T14:52:00.000-06:00

This morning on my traffic ridden, what usually only takes 20 minutes and took me over an hour, commute I thought of some things about this great big city I've moved to...

<3 What I LOVE about being back in Houston <3

Being near both sets of parents and seeing them at random times rather than only the holidays.
Seeing the places where Hubs and I started our relationship and going "awww... shucks"
Shopping is so much easier... (Not driving 20 minutes to the closest grocery store is pretty awesome.. especially now that its DOWN THE STREET).
Going out to eat is so much closer than before! (Seriously, no more 20 minute drives to find a restaurant!)
Seeing our old friends that we haven't really been able to hang out with when we didn't live here
Seeing my BFFE every Saturday morning
My job
Being around for my BFF's wedding planning & everything.
Cedar Fever = gone! Thankfully.
All the awesome restaurant choices that are here.. seriously, Houstonians like to eat out!
SPECS. Across the street from the house. Yea!!!

What I dislike about being in Htown :(

My commute. Seriously, people, I went from 2.2 miles a day to 14 miles a day, which can take anywhere from 20 minutes to over an hour. Redonkulous, I tell you.
Chuy's.... I miss Chuy's. I miss my chuychanga. I miss knowing there was a Chuy's 20 minutes away and now not knowing where one is.
How people act... I think one of the first days I said to J "umm... we're not in a small town anymore." It really makes me sad. I miss the whole "hey, you're from here so I'll be nice to you even if I don't know you" feeling we had in Hippo Land.
Feeling like I have no idea of how to get around, because y'all... its changed so much in the four years I was gone.
The commute. Still.
Our party peeps.... seems like everyone here who is our age has babies, unlike when we were in Hippo Land. So, party peeps are few and far between.
Girl time at ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE. Yeah, missing that place.
Mexican Martinis from Chuy's. :)
My old co-workers (but not my job). I miss those people.

Overall, totally happy we're here and feel like we're supposed to be for now. But, if I could combine the two places, I totally would.

Where does my time go?

2011-02-11T08:54:00.000-06:00

A long time ago, I remember reading a quote that went like this:

"If you spend 8 hours asleep and 8 hours at work, where are they other 8 hours?"

I have been feeling that way lately. By the time I get home from work on most nights, I'm wondering where all the time went. I get home, I cook, clean up a little (not every day, though), sit down to eat dinner with my hubs, watch an hour of TV... and then the cycle begins again. I feel like I am doing nothing more than those things.

I need to figure out a way to have time do the things I need to do... like write that card, make that scarf, clean the house, give the dogs a bath, read a book. None of that is really happening right now (except the making of the scarf, which at this rate will take me another 3 months).

On top of that, we want to add in some new things... like bowling, some classes, and other stuff.

So, my question is: How do you juggle everything? How do you make sure to have time for everything you want to do?

Seriously... time has flown by.

2011-01-26T15:53:00.000-06:00

Wow. Where does time go? I can't believe its been so long since I've logged into blogger and posted anything.

The end of 2010 was a whirlwind, but in a positive, hopeful, this is great kind of way. Hubs got a job, we moved a week after finding said job, and then it was holiday overload time. I even took the time to design our own moving announcements (which I don't have a pic of, sadly).

Now we are in our normal routine. This morning we were talking about all the things we'd like to do together, now that we are here (together) and ready to face the world head on.

The one thing I can say about the entire thing is this: I'm so glad I never gave up hope or faith in the situation. Just when we thought we couldn't do it anymore, *boom*, it all worked out and things fell into place as if they were meant to be.

So, here's to hoping I'm back to blogging. We shall never know.

Its All About Perspective

2010-10-27T09:01:00.000-05:00

"Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections."

For the most part, I’m a pretty optimistic person. I try to find the good in every person I meet; try to look at the situation with the thought that everything is going to work out; and try to stay cheerful, smiley, and laughing.

I love to laugh. And almost anyone can make me do it. {Honestly}.

With everything that has happened in the recent months, I have been trying my hardest to tread the water and not let my head fall under. Not to say that I’m unhappy, per se, but to say that I look at everything as perfect right now... yeah. No. Not happening.

Which is where that quote fits in. I hope you read it. Because, really, it makes sense. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be happy.

Every day I wake up and count my blessings: I am healthy, have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, and running water at my house. I am loved by my husband, my animals, family, and friends. That’s a lot of things that are going great in my life... that a lot of people don’t have.

So, for me to bitch/whine/complain that life is not going the way its supposed to... I feel like it’s a waste. A huge waste. There is so much more going on out there in the big wide world. Think of those miners who were stuck in complete darkness for 69 days. Think of the people in Ghana (link Catherine’s website) who do not have fresh water. Think about the kids in Jamaica who have to pay to go to school, so most don’t because they can’t afford it.

I know how easy it is to get caught up in emotions... trust me, I had poor J on a rollercoaster ride this past weekend, with myself throwing a long term pity party and having anxiety/panic attacks. Then, I had to have a good talk with myself... and realize that this is not a permanent thing. This is only temporary. And, nothing will ever be perfect... it will only be what I make it be.

Love + Marriage = Forever, Right?

2010-10-22T09:00:00.002-05:00

I love this quote by Rita Rudner:

"Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I stepped in it a few times."

The other day, I had come home, startled that yet another couple we knew were divorcing. I was pretty sad for them, knowing that they were gonig through this life changing event... and sad that the event itself was happening.

Then, J asked me, "are we an odd couple, who actually likes each other?"

My answer, "it sure seems that way."

Divorce is something that bothers me... yet, I have never been affected directly by it. In all honesty, my parents are still together (after 40+ years!!), my aunts and uncles are still married to their first (and only) significant others, my US grandparents were married to each other until they passed, my husband’s parents are still together.

I guess my idea of marriage is different from most everyone else’s. I know (without a doubt) that we are going to have trying times, bad times, and great times. I am not surprised at all by some of the things we’ve already been through (and made it through), but am so looking forward to all the time together.

See, that’s the thing I keep in my head... I know that it will be numerous years we spend together. Not all of them will be sunshine and rainbows... some of them will have a cloud over them. But, when I’m 92 and sitting next to my husband, I’ll be able to say, "Wow, we made it 70 years... with only a years that through a for a loop." Kind of life like, right? If J and I have 5 bad years together over a 70 year period... I don’t think that’s too bad. I think that’s pretty spot on, actually.

And I’m not saying that divorce is a no option type of thing. I get that some people just need to get out – that its not working. But, I did want to put my perspective out there because I don’t feel like many people look at things that way. Look at it on a whole... not in chunks. We don’t look back on our lives in chunks... we look at what we accomplished as a whole.

Writer's Workshop: Labeled Child

2010-10-21T20:12:00.000-05:00

In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?

My parents, knowing that I was young precocious thing, put me into private school rather than immediately having me enter public school. This decision was a blessing and a curse, all in one.

See, for my entire life, I've always been a bit.... strange. "Not within the norms of society" (but only American society, mind you. My Mom is Japanese and to say that I learned her cultural traits at a young age, would be an understatement. But, Japanese cultural traits in America? Yeah, they don't really fit together like two peas in a pod.

In private school, it seemed like everyone was a bit different. Smarter, stranger, things were just different there... and everyone was pretty much accepted the way they were. It was okay that I ate weird lunches, because most everyone else did.

So, when I finally did make that jump to public school... it was overwhelming. I was labeled as that "strange girl, who had weird lunches." Seriously... I was eating from Bento boxes before Bento boxes were cool. I was the one that wore the "different" clothes, because well... my mom bought my clothes and I couldn't really go naked, right? I had super long hair, because if I got it cut, I got it cut like a Japanese doll and I hated that.

I knew I was different, though. It was okay with me. I wasn't going to fit into the mainstream crowd at my school.... I was the friendly, always smiling, laughing (with a very distinct laugh) girl until about High School when I figured out my way and found out it was okay to not be "normal." {Because, seriously... is anything normal?}

But you know what the best thing is about all that?

I love who I am today.

I am totally out there; I will say things that I probably shouldn't (tact is not a common trait, it seems, in Japan); I will laugh with my whole body and heart; I find the littlest things amusing; and I am okay eating those strange foods that everyone else scrunches their noses up at. {My dad's rule growing up was you have to try it once, before you decide you don't like it.}

I also have learned to accept everyone for who they are. Because, I've been accepted for who I am.

Moderation Nation: A Life Lesson & Giveaway

2010-10-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but when I get stressed I tend to turn to food. Food is comforting to me; I can pick and choose what I eat and how I want to eat it. I can be healthy for long stretches of time and then, suddenly, decide that it will be nothing but junk food entering my system.

I have had a hard time finding balance with my food.

Since moving back to Houston, I will say that I am focusing more on the idea of moderating my food, rather than eating anything that grabs my fancy. So, vegetables and fruits have become my go-to food and junk food has taken a back seat.

I feel better, really.

Then, I was contacted by MyBlogSpark about Hershey's Moderation Nation. It is a new website (www.themoderationnation.com) that gives you recipes, tips, moderation menus, balancing meals ideas, and useful facts about eating and how to become a healthier eater. It fit right in with what I was looking for in making changes to my diet.

MyBlogSpark and Hershey's sent me a package, with a bag of goodies to snack on (York Peppermint Patties), a food diary, and a t-shirt with the logo. I am loving having a food diary to write everything down (the accountability doesn't let me slip) and having something sweet (but small and proportioned right) is still within my diet.

The rules for the giveaway:

Go to www.themoderationation.com and let me know what you'd use the most often.

Random.org will be picking a winner on Monday, October 25th.

Not a Night Owl

2010-10-07T21:47:00.000-05:00

Since leaving the teaching profession, I seemed to have picked up a bad habit... becoming a night owl. I'm really not a night owl person, though. I love to sleep. Seriously, if you gave me the choice between eating my favorite meal or taking a wonderful nap, I'd probably chose the nap. Sleep is my friend.

Yet, for the past two weeks, every night I've stayed up way past my bed time. My bed time was 10 p.m., before; it gave me enough time to decompress and fall asleep and have a full 9 hours of sleep. {See what I mean, I love to sleep.} Lately, though, I've been going to bed between 11:30 and midnight, depending on where I am in my book (which I finished last night, so I went ahead and downloaded the sequel).

I've done the math and I'm still getting between 6 and 7 hours... but my goodness, I am dragging my butt by Thursday. Tonight, I am exhausted. As much as I want to start "The Girl Who Played With Fire," I don't think my eyes will let me. But, once the weekend is over (and I've caught up on my sleep, being the sleep camel I am) I will be back in the same routine. Its driving me insane!

So my question to all you late nighters -- how do you do it? How do you keep going on such little sleep?

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself*

2010-09-29T19:08:00.000-05:00

Lets pretend this is real life and not a blog...

My name is Kim. My summer included a lot of change that I didn't know was coming. I feel like its all for the better, though.

My husband got laid off from his job. This is the second time since we moved to Hippo Town that it happened. The large city that Hippo Town sat beside had an influx of industry people, when we moved there. It was a booming place to be, if you were in that industry. It no longer is. Jobs can't be found as easily... the first time J was laid off, he had two job offers in a week. This time... job offers came, but at a significantly lower pay.

This meant we had to make some life decisions, that would affect the both of us. We talked. We cried. We talked some more. We made a decision, that changed our lives drastically. We decided that being in Hippo Town was no longer in the cards for us; we had the choice of going of the Big D or getting the hand we were dealt and going our own direction. We chose our own direction... and ended up in "the big city," better known as Houston -- sort of.

I am no longer a teacher. By a blessing, I was offered my previous job back at a firm. It came as a surprise, but mainly, I felt like at that point in time I needed it. Teaching was exhausting. I love teaching and the majority of things that came with it. But, I was tired. And I don't know that I could do that until I am 67. {Seriously, that's when I qualify for retirement... 40+ years from now}.

J is not in Houston with me, at the moment. He is living on some property that parents' own out in the country (about an hour and half away from Houston), in a house (there is more than one), and working on obtaining a job. I am staying with my parents during the week and trekking up there on the weekends. Absence makes the heart grow fonder....

So, that's where I've been. I'm no longer Kim, a teacher; I'm Kim, an office gal. Living in a city. And feeling completely at peace with it all. My hope is that since I'm no longer exhausted, I can blog more often. I would so love to... and that's part of the plan.

*Does anyone know where I got that from? Its from a famous rapper... and one of my all time crushes.

Build a Well

2010-09-21T22:15:00.000-05:00

Wow, its been a while since I blogged.... but this entry is for something truly important.

A family member has started a charity to build a well in Ghana, Africa. I wanted to blog about it, to help her achieve a goal. It is a daunting task, to build a well in a place that does not have running water. She is trying to raise $13,000 to do so. She is incorporating this building of a well with her mission trips to Ghana.

Did you know...

The average American uses 102.5 gallons of water EVERY SINGLE DAY?

The average African uses 1.2 gallons of water every day.

The American toilet uses 1.6 gallons of water every time you flush the toilet.

Can you believe we use more water just flushing the toilet than an African uses in a day?

If you would like to give, please click the picture below. Please remember, that even a dollar would help! Also, please, please, please, blog about this if you are willing.

Please grab the button at the top of my blog, as well, to help spread the word.

Thank you!

Soundtrack For My Life {up until today, at least}

2010-06-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

What happens if someone asked you, today, to make a soundtrack of your life. Would you know exactly what songs to put in your soundtrack and why?

The question showed up in one of my emails the other day -- it was for a writer's workshop. I've been thinking about it ever since.... I think I finally have the songs that would go on the soundtrack for my life {up to today}.

"Fight for Your Right (To Party)" by The Beastie Boys.

This would have to be the first song, due to the fact that this is the first album I remember my Mom buying me when I was a kid. Seriously, I was like 6 years old and jamming out to the Beastie Boys in the living room. I would sing along, dance all crazy, and really... think I was cool. And I thought it was even cooler that my Mom bought me this album. My first memory of music and its the Beastie Boys & Mom. So... I must fight... for the right.... to party.

"Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

Okay, because seriously... I'm a child of the 80s and 90s. What else stands out in the 90s? (I was obviously really young in the 80s). Marky Mark in his Calvin Klein underwear.... standing there, shirtless. And plus, a white kid who can rap? I'll take it. So, put on some good vibrations and let the mood sweep you off your feet.

Any Song by The Cure

I love The Cure. I really do. Its probably my one throwback to the 80s and 90s that I feel confident about. There would have to be a compilation of Cure songs on my soundtrack. But, the two that stick out... "Just Like Heaven" and "Friday I'm in Love." Because, really... who can beat a catchy song with an English accent?

"Kenji" by Fort Minor

When I was in High School, a teacher and I got into a verbal argument. We were studying WWII and the interment camps in California. I stated how horrible it was that this happened, and she looked at me and said "The Japanese wanted it. They were happy to be there. Nothing bad happened there." I sat in shock for a few seconds, yelled she was an ignorant teacher, and walked out of the school and drove directly to my Dad's office. My Dad called the principal, explained what happened, and asked for a letter of apology to me and my family for the disrespect.

In 2005, J bought the Fort Minor CD. He was listening to it, when he heard Kenji. The next time we were together, he played it for me. There was no speaking during the first listen, while I sat in the passenger seat and cried. I went to see my Dad to play him the CD. He cried. We both cried. This song speaks so many truths, its hard to explain. If you know nothing about the internment camps that happened in the US -- you should listen to this song to give you a quick overview. And... research some of it. It might shock you.

"#41" by Dave Matthews

This song makes me remember my years in NOVA, without a doubt. I think everywhere I turned, I heard this song being played; someone singing it; or even, someone putting it in their AIM chat profiles {I wanted to stay, I wanted to play, I wanted to love you...} (And yes, I'm totally guilty of doing it.) It still makes me smile, thinking about the time I spent in NOVA. The awakening to music that I had while there, which was enormous. Thank you, NOVA, for coming into my life.

"Ellsworth" by Rascal Flatts

During the 200s, my family went into crisis mode. My Grandma had gone from not really knowing what was going on to a full blown knowing nothing. It was back during the time that most people tried to take care of people with Alzheimers at home, instead of sending them to a nursing home. My Grandpa tried his best for a few years, until it became apparent that it was time for her to go to a home. Shortly after she was put into the home, Grandpa passed away. A few years later, Grandma followed him.

This song gives me a plethora of feelings: sadness, happiness, and hope. I hope that this is how it felt for her, when she was confused. I hope she was happy. And I'm sad to know that it ended like it did.

"That Was a Crazy Game of Poker" by Of A Revolution

I remember when I came to Texas for a break, of some sort, and walked into a Target and heard O.A.R. playing. It was a shock to the system, mainly because it was part of my NOVA life and not apart of my Texas life. Once I heard it IN Texas, I took it as a sign to combine my Texas and NOVA life. And I did.

"How You Ever Gonna Know" by Garth Brooks

"Listen not to the critics,

who put their own dream on the shelf.

If you want the truth to admit it,

you're going to have to find it yourself."

My parents, in my senior yearbook, put this in as the advertisement for congratulations on my accomplishments and to remind me to never give up. It still works, to this day.

"99 Problems" by Jay-Z

Did you know that Jay-Z and I are born on the same day? {He even has a song about it.. December 4}. My all time mood lifter is 99 Problems. Ever think your life is hard? Listen to this song... because you then learn that you don't have problems, just stupid shit. This song immediately puts me into a good mood, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. It pumps me up to remember that life isn't that bad... at least, for me. {Its also my ringtone on my phone... I seriously heart it that much}.

"Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson

"Cause I'm a redneck woman

Ain't no high class broad.

I'm just a product of my raisin'

and I say 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'"

Deep down, I'm pure country. Really... its true. I know it doesn't come off that way, but I am. This is my inner anthem.

"I Loved Her First" by Heartland

I am a Daddy's Girl. This is not something I hide, at all. The hardest thing about moving out of my parent's house was saying goodbye to my Dad. The hardest thing about my wedding day? The emotions that was felt with no longer needing to lean on my Dad and, instead, beginning to lean on J. The Father/Daughter Dance... was a tear jerker. My Dad picked the song and I bawled like a baby. And, I've always known, he loved me first... and he will always have a place in my heart.

"Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts

When J and I were trying to figure out what would be our song at our wedding, it was hard to choose. He and I had different ideas of what the song should be. I felt like this song encompassed our relationship, completely. J and I did not meet until we were both out of college and in our 20s, which for our group was "older." We both had setbacks, bumps, bruises, and scrapes. Yet, in the end, we were right where we were supposed to be... standing in front of each other. When I hear this song, I can only think of my wonderful husband and how grateful I am to have him in my life.

30 Things I Must Do This Summer

2010-06-10T17:18:00.002-05:00

30 things you vow to do this summer.

Don't take the little things for granted. Like... only working 4 days a week, for 4.5 hours a day.
Finally make the skirt that I've been saying I'm going to do for the last six months.
Smile every single morning.... because, really, I should.
Have date nights with the Hubs, because we can.
Eat, eat, and eat.... because I love food.
Figure out a way to be able to eat and not gain 450 lbs....
Lose some of the weight I keep complaining about, rather than eating.
Do my Wii Fit at least 3 times a week. {Or... something that makes me move}.
Sleep in every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, because I can!
Keep the house clean, since I won't be doing much anyways.
To not go shopping and, instead, put that money into savings.
To not worry about the unknown and focus on the here and now.
Be okay with my relationship with whomever, because really.... that's life.
Write letters to my friends.... because, I miss them.
Go to the pool for Pool Day Fridays.
See my family!
Cuddle with my Rockstar, because really... he's cute and makes me smile.
Try to blog more often.
Write in my journal. {I have way too many things swimming around in my head}.
Relearn Japanese.
Annoy my husband by constantly telling him what certain things are in Japanese, so that he'll finally give in and learn Japanese so we can go back to Japan.
Change my Passport to my legal name. Since, you know, otherwise I can't just go somewhere at the drop of a hat.
Actually send the presents that I have sitting around the house, rather than looking at them and going "goodness, I should really send that."
Stop thinking that anything outside of my 10 mile radius is "too far away" and just go.
Read the books I need to read, since I'm finally graduating to the 8th grade!
Have another girls' night with my BFFE and BFF, since they are awesome.
Get a tan and pretend that I'm laying on a beach somewhere exotic... a mind vacay.
Decide on where I want my life to go... other than the broad 5 year goal I have.
Bloom where I'm planted.
And smile. All the flipping time. {Mainly because it confuses people! :)}

Unintentional Sabbatical

2010-06-09T18:42:00.000-05:00

I realized last night how long it had been since I logged onto blogger... I had no intention of not blogging, but it seems like life got in the way....

Or, I'm just too lazy to go back to the office to take the time to blog. {Its probably a bit of both, honestly.}

I did get rid of my MacBook and replaced it with the iPad. I love love love my iPad, but doing things like typing large amounts are not recommended. The iPad makes me look like a worse speller than I already am... and its make my punctuation look like a 2 year olds. Its been nice to not be so connected to technology, though. I will say that. I no longer feel that urge to sit in front of a computer and mindlessly wander the internet.

Another reason why I haven't been blogging is because I really don't have much to say. I mean, I am never at a loss for words, but I don't know what to write to keep it interesting. I could tell you about how this morning Rocky Rockstar nudged my arm to blow dry his hair instead of mine; or I could tell you about how I'm attempting to remaster Japanese; or .... the silly things I do to keep myself entertained, now that I don't use the internet to do it.

But, I haven't been feeling it.... mainly because I haven't felt like trekking back to the office and sitting in front of a computer.

Now that I'm back to my 4 day a week, half day schedule, I will be blogging more. Ready or not, I'm back. {I think...}

Thinking Thursday

2010-04-29T21:50:00.001-05:00

I think...

... I need to learn how to let things go.

... I need to not care what other people think.

... I need to stop trying to change things that are out of my control.

... life is sometimes just really strange.

... and that life, at the same time, is really awesome.

... that my hubs needs to hurry back home, since I miss him so much.

... I need to figure out a good sleeping schedule for myself.

... ignoring idiotic things is the easiest way to deal with stuff.

... that this weekend is going to kick my ass, since I'm not used to going to two different parties in a row.

... that 20 mile per hour wind is a bit ridiculous, since it sounds like I'm in the middle of a spooky movie by listening to what's going on outside my house.

... that the cat that showed up last night is not coming back.

... my night is done and I'm off to bed.

Wishing Wednesday

2010-04-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

I wish....

... that J and I could go on an out of this world vacation, tomorrow, so that we could both be relaxed and rested and ready to face the world.

... the new generation of the iPhone was out, since my old one is not working so great.

... that percentages became reality, rather than something that will be known later on.

... that I had patience to wait for things, rather than always jumping to conclusions.

... I could watch all my DVRed shows, so I wouldn't feel like I need to go watch them.

... my skin would be tan already, since it feels like summer!

... that I could take all 10 of my vacation days, even though I only have 23 work days left.

... that everyone could get their wishes!

Technology Overload

2010-04-18T17:12:00.000-05:00

My husband is an IT guy. An IT guy who enjoys having all types of technology in their life, no matter what you have to do to get it. I think I have had more computers that I can count, know how to play with all types of fun computer stuff, and get to have the latest and greatest stuff (according to some).

Most of the time, I ignore the new technology brought it. Its not really up my ally, so why mess with it?

Yet, a couple of weeks ago Hubs brought home the most amazing toy.

The iPad.

This new piece of technology is probably the most entertaining thing that he has brought home. And the problem is: how do you share something you don’t want to put down?

This type of thinking put me on the path of something I never thought I would have: getting rid of my MacBook. The thought is two-fold: 1) I have become very reliant of sitting in the living room with the MacBook on and not really paying attention to anything around me; 2) If I sell the MacBook, I can justify buying myself my very own iPad.

(If you are interested in a gently used MacBook, email me).

So tonight I’m using the Mac in the office that has been ignored for the majority of a year. I’m hoping that I will be able to get my hands on my very own iPad (seriously, they are hard to share!) and start downloading away.

Conquering Heights

2010-04-07T21:07:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, Hubs and I ventured down to the carnival that rode into town. We had passed it a few times before in the week and mentioned how it would be fun to do something different. On a Friday night, we went down to the carnival and wandered. There was a problem, though....

In high school, sometime, I became terrified of heights. And roller-coasters. And pretty much anything I had no control over that I was putting myself into. Before this sudden epiphany about having fears, I would happily jump on the roller-coaster at Six Flags and have a good time. Since then, though, I have been known to have an anxiety attack or two on them.

Since we were at a carnival, surrounded by all types of people who had no fears of being on rides... I pulled on my big girl pants and said "lets do it." The first ride, of course, was the ferris wheel.... We stood in line for 15 minutes before getting on. It was not what I imagined it would be... but when they stopped the wheel at the top and I stared off at the land around - I realized, it was okay to be scared of things but to not let things like this go to waste. I needed to take the time to enjoy what I could, when I could.

Giveaway Winner

2010-03-23T18:51:00.000-05:00

The Yoplait Giveaway winner is....

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:7Powered by RANDOM.ORG

CHERYL F. who said "My ultimate Greek Yogurt Flavor would be red and black raspberry :) *Thanks* for the giveaway"

I will be emailing you shortly to get your information and make sure the package is sent to you ASAP.

Thanks for everyone who participated!

Giveaway: Yoplait Greek Yogurt Package

2010-03-22T10:44:00.000-05:00

MyBlogSpark contacted me to do a Yoplait Greek Yogurt giveaway, which I was ecstatic to take a part of. First off, I have been looking for a delicious Greek Yogurt, that has the right consistency and flavor. Second, I love Yoplait yogurt and honestly felt kind of bad cheating on them by buying other brands of Greek Yogurt.

Since I received two free samples of Yoplait Greek Yogurt from MyBlogSpark, I went out and got Blueberry and Vanilla & Honey flavors. I have yet to eat the Blueberry, but if the Vanilla & Yogurt flavor gives any indication - I will not be disappointed. The other Greek Yogurts that I've bought, I have noticed that the flavor is not consistent through out the yogurt. While I like Greek Yogurt, the plain flavor does absolutely nothing for my taste buds. This Greek Yogurt, though, quenched my hunger and the little bit of sweetness that I need to get me moving in the morning!

On to the giveaway details....

This giveaway is provided by Yoplait through MyBlogSpark and includes two VIP coupons for two free Yoplait Greek Yogurts, as well as "Nourish Your Inner Goddess" gift pack. The gift pack includes a towel wrap, slippers, two different types of loofas, a back massagers, and a nail brush. All perfect to make sure that you are getting the pampering that every woman deserves!

The Fine Print:

Only one winner will be chosen.

You can get multiple entries by answering the following questions (in separate comments):

1. What would be the ultimate Greek Yogurt Flavor?

2. Do you follow this blog?

3. Did you tweet about this giveaway (make sure to put @ktb0719 so I can see you entry)?

Good Luck! A winner will be chosen on March 23.

**The coupons and gift I received, as well as the coupons and gifts I'm giving away, were given to me by Yoplait and MyBlogSpark. The opinions stated above, though, are my own.**

An Open Letter to Vicki of RHOC

2010-03-14T19:57:00.002-05:00

Dear Vicki,

I have watched Real Housewives of Orange County since its premiere. I remember you on there, way before your glitz and glam. You were working hard to get your business off the ground and provide for your family.

Over the past few seasons, though, something has happened -- either to you or to the show. I honestly believe it is a little of both. You’ve changed - and please don’t deny that you have. Your business has grown and boomed in a time of a recession. Your dedication is to your growing business and your marriage. That is understandable.

Yet, the one thing that comes with being apart of a reality show like Real Housewives is that you participate. Why are you no longer participating in it? For the most part, it seems as if you are completely content making statements in your interview chair but when it comes to taking ownership for your statements, your memory dissipates. Please, if you stay on for the next season, do us all a favor and return your natural self - the one who takes ownership of things, who dishes it out AND takes it, the one who squeals “wa-hoo” at the drop of a dime.

I do want to tell you, though, I feel nothing but sympathy for you. Your life has changed dramatically in the last 6 seasons, as has the show. You are the last original housewife to be on the show. The age differences have become apparent as the season went on. Your focus is different than their focus - which is totally okay. But, maybe, after this season... you should bow out?

I would hate to see the season come where you are no longer involved in RHOC. Yet, I would understand why you wouldn’t want to come back. Either way, it is your choice... just don’t leave when the viewers have a bad taste in their mouths about you. I know you can do better!

Wahoos all the way,

Kim

A Wandering Wednesday

2010-03-03T19:07:00.002-06:00

Earlier today I saw a commercial for fishsticks. I wrinkled my nose at first, because I thought to myself “eww... fishsticks.” Then, I realized that I have never had fishsticks in my life. Am I missing out on something? Are fishsticks all that I hear they are?

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Today was the first day of annual state testing in Texas. It is one of the tests that directly reflects my teaching. To say that I have had no time for anything else, would be an understatement. I have been living in this tunnel, with the first opening happening today. I have been buried up to my neck in work, leaving little time for anything else. I am grateful to be out of it (for the time being - there are more tests coming up) and am ready to be able to come home at a decent time for the next few weeks.

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All day today, I thought that I was going to be pleasantly surprised when I came home to a new book. I ordered Jodi Picoult’s new book before it came out -- mainly because I’m a Jodi Picoult fanatic (I think I’ve read all but one) and her new one looks interesting. I kept thinking, as long as I can make it through this, I will have a book to read. I came home and asked the hubs “did my new book come?” and I got a flat no. I was disappointed (and thought maybe the UPS man was running late), until I logged on and saw it doesn’t really come until tomorrow.

Strangely enough, I’m not disappointed, because now I have something to look forward to tomorrow!

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Last night Hubs pointed me in the direction of MacHeist, which is a website for Mac Applications. I bought a bunch of different applications for my Mac, one of which is a BLOG PUBLISHER! Actually, its called the “Mac Journal” and can be used for blogs or personal journaling. I’m enjoying it. I will say the one thing that I dislike about having a Mac is that the Word cannot be linked up to blogspot. So, I’m testing blogging on the new app.

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Tonight, I’m going to be thankful its Wednesday and that the 1,000,000,000 lbs of pressure has been taken off my back. Going to celebrate with some ice cream.

The Missing Link

2010-02-22T21:06:00.000-06:00

I never would have thought that having it as apart of my life made such a difference. I really wouldn't have given it much thought about how much I needed it in my life, until I realized that I wanted it to be apart of my life.

The it = reading.

Since the beginning of the year, it has been a challenge for me to find the time to read. I have numerous books that are begging to be read -- yet, I would pick one up and go "I just don't feel it" and put the book back down. I could not -- or would not -- find my reading groove. Instead, I'd walk around thinking something was missing from my life and I couldn't figure out what it was.

Reading gives me an outlet -- to be imaginative, to be creative, and most of all, have some alone time.

So, Friday night Hubs and I were out and I asked if we could stop at Half-Priced Books. We did and I found some books I've been wanting and started reading... and kept reading... and am so excited to still be reading!

My missing link is as simple as having a book in my hands. And it feels so good to be reading, again.

7 Thoughts

2010-02-21T21:05:00.001-06:00

You know what brightens a person's day? Receiving a blog award from someone you "met" through a friend... and even if you don't really know each other, it kind of feels like you do.

Hand Pecked Designs bestowed upon me the Beautiful Blogger Award. Thank you HP! And... I hope to one day use your design services for one thing or another! (And I'm totally being serious!)

So, here are the rules for this award. Link up the award to the one who gave it you; list 7 interesting things about you; and give the award to 7 other Beautiful Bloggers.

Now, the 7 interesting things (which I think is the hardest part of this award!)...

1. I like to see things handwritten. I love to handwrite letters, cards, etc... to people. One of the favorite parts of my day is writing the agenda on the board, because I write big and neat. Although I understand why computers have taken over everything, I must use handwriting typography when I do things.

2. One of the dates that I keep bugging my husband to take me on is to a shooting range. (Yes, you read that right). Out on the parents' property, I enjoy going out and shooting at things and it is the best feeling when you hit the target! I love that part of shooting, hitting the target right on.

3. I love to shop -- I just HATE spending money. Its hard to correlate the two, since they are contradicting ideas -- so, usually I just bargain shop. At least that way I can justify shopping without feeling bad. But, I've taken on not buying new clothes unless I truly need them -- just to see if I can do it (again).

4. Reality TV is my biggest television weakness. I think Hubs enjoys it, though, because it gives him ample gaming time since I am constantly watching DVRed television. Right now, I have 16 and Pregnant, Real Housewives of Orange County, Tabitha's Salon Makeover, and Tool Academy recorded. Seriously... trashy reality tv.

5. When I was a kid, all I ever wanted to eat was "American" food, instead of all the things that my Mom would cook. I, of course, always ate whatever was given to me since that is what good girls do, but really -- I'd yearn for a big bowl of cereal or a slice of pizza. Now that I'm older, I wish I knew how to cook like my Mom and still be able to eat all the American stuff.

6. When I was a little girl, my parents said I'd wander off into my room to play by myself. Then, I would come out all happy and normal again. I've always been a person who just needs their alone time -- like an hour a day - to stay sane.

7. I text in grammatically correct sentences and sayings. I even use proper punctuation. I honestly expect other people to do the same, as well. At least, people that are above the age of 16. Its a pet peeve of mine, to see "ur" instead of "your" and other short-hand texts. Also, I totally believe that the past tense of texting is texted.

The 7 Beautiful Bloggers:

1. Emily at Those Who Believe in Telekinesis, Raise My Hand

2. Megan at Jonathan & Megan Lenz

3. For the Love of Pictures at Boredom's Bounty

4. Louise at Adori Graphics (the best blog designer around..)

5. Jenn at Love, Life & Laughter with Jenn

6. Becka at My Loves

7. ID at By the Way

Quick Write: Difficult Decision

2010-02-08T21:05:00.000-06:00

For the next few weeks, my students and I are doing quick writes (maximum of 10 minutes of writing) over various writing topics. I plan on posting my quick writes on my blog and invite anyone to participate.

Today's topic was: Write About a Time You Had to Make a Difficult Decision.

It was the beginning of the rest of my life. At least, that’s what everyone has told me since I could remember. I walked across that stage with a confidence that I had not felt before. I had made it. I proved to myself that if I could do this, I could do anything.

Yet, I never thought about the adult decisions that came after graduating college. I loved the area I was in; I could imagine the rest of my life living in the D.C. metro area. There is nothing specific about the area that I love; I honestly love it all. I love being able to go downtown and go to the museums (for free!) whenever I felt like it. I love having the seasons, although I could do with more of a summer. I love the character that the city has – and the character that it brings out in its residents. It makes me happy, through and through.

There was a glitch with my love for that city though – I hadn’t found a job yet. I was a full-fledged college graduate, which means that I had to become an adult and find a job. It was surreal thinking of finding a job, though; a city that is full of thousands of recent grads, and higher than normal rent rates.

I began my search, hopeful. I figured if my love for the city knew no bounds, there was no way a little thing like income could stand in the way. I began to find excuses to stay in the area longer – like needing the few extra credits, since I only walked and hadn’t yet received my degree. I decided I would continue my search, until I knew I no longer could survive.
Although my heart wanted to stay, it became inevitable that I would be heading back to Texas. During the ongoing search, I received a call from a company in Houston that offered me a job. It was as if it were an answer for the question – without my asking anything.

Weeks of internal debating began. I knew the adult answer – it would be to follow the job, which would lead to the income, which would allow myself to grow into an adult. The dreamer inside of me wanted to follow my dreams and reach the ultimate goal – beginning a life without the support net that I had waiting for me in Texas. The logical side answered with the idea that most people do not begin their lives without a support net being in place.

And, so I left the city that held my heart. I left with tears, sadness, and regret. I also left with hope for the future and the dream still in my head.

Writer's Workshop: A Different Take

2010-01-28T20:55:00.001-06:00

Gregory MaGuire (author of books like Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister) is wildly popular right now (as is the musical Wicked). Write your own “re telling” of a classic fairy tale.

Once upon a time, there was a homely girl named Ann who lived in a large city aptly named Perfect. The large city was run by a mayor who demanded perfection from each of its citizens, as long as the perfection did not overshadow the mayor's. The homely girl, though, decided that she did not need to be perfect and went along with her life in hopes to find something better.

The thing with the mayor, though, is that she truly wanted perfection to be throughout her land. Yet, it was against the law to become better than the mayor. The mayor ruled the city with a type of power that none had imagined -- and had been mayor so long that many of Perfect's citizens knew no other way of life.

Yet, what the citizens of Perfect did not know was that the mayor was truly a witch -- and not the good kind. She was an evil witch and her plan was to create a city of perfection so that her powers would grow and she, the mayor, would become the most beautiful person in the world.

Her old age was making her become batty, to say the least.

One night in a fit of depression (for she knew she would never become the most beautiful person in the world), the mayor pulled out her magical mirror to ensure that she was still the most perfect citizen of Perfect. When the mirror answered, she was thrown for a loop. The mirror answered, in a defeated voice answered, "Ann is the most perfect citizen of Perfect. She will be until the day she dies."

The mayor lost it -- literally. She began throwing things and, if she had been able, she would have broken the magic mirror in half.

And as quickly as she lost it, she came back together and realized she must do something about it. She jumped in her Ferrari and began searching for the infamous Ann, with the idea that she would pay tribute to past women and run over Ann with her car. Yet, Ann had magical abilities of her own, that the Mayor did not know about. Ann was able to jump off the ground and fly away to safety before the mayor could do bodily harm.

Ann ended up on a mountain and decided that life was happier there... since there was no strive to be perfect. The mayor of Perfect, though, did not enjoy knowing she was still alive and enlisted bounty hunters to find Ann. Ann, though, protected by her unknown magical abilities, was able to fight the bounty hunters away with the help of her 7 wild animal friends.

Eventually, the mayor of Perfect died during her quest to banish Ann, the perfect one. The mayor was never able to reach the goal she had set and died a lonely old woman.

As for Ann, she finally found her spot in the world that was perfect for her....

Can you tell which one of the classic fairy tales this story is emulating?

JOB = The rest of my life?!?

2010-01-26T12:00:00.000-06:00

When was it decided that you had to know exactly what you wanted to do, for the rest of your life, when you were in your 20s?

I've changed careers twice now. I'm only 29. I'll probably change a couple more times before I finally figure out what really fits for me.

Don't get me wrong -- I like my job. (I wouldn't say love, because there are aspects that I would change). I love teaching to the crazy kiddos; love to see when something really starts to make sense. But, I do think to myself: can I really do this for the rest of my life? Many times, the answer is no, not really.

I talked to an old co-worker the other day. She and I worked together in the exciting field of law and she said that these feelings come with every job -- and that its normal. But, she also said something about sticking it out. That no matter what job I do or where I go... there's going to be the chance that I'm not always going to like to my job.

I'm not a person who expects to love their job every morning. But, I was raised with this one piece of advice about careers:

"When you wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and realize you don't like who you've become or what you are doing - its time for a change."

I've tried to keep that in mind when choosing careers. I've tried to shake off the negative that can come with a job and focus on only the good things...Sometimes, though, that thought becomes clearer and clearer as each day passes. I am grateful for my job; I'm grateful for my life, really. I am so thankful that my job allows me the freedom to do certain things, as well as see changes that happen in our next generation. But, it doesn't always make me want to hang on until I'm in my 70s.

But, I do wonder... where did this thought come from?

Sight for Sore Eyes

2010-01-20T22:01:00.000-06:00

There is a house in my neighborhood that still has their Christmas lights up. Not in "up," as in the way hanging from the house. But "up" in the way that they are still being turned on and shown for the world to enjoy.

As I drove by the other night, discreetly checking out my passenger side window -- I wondered why they had decided to keep them up for so long. Were they being lazy? Was there not enough time to take a moment to bring them down? Did they just want them up there, because it reminded them of a great time or feeling?

Everyone knows that Holiday Spirit feeling. The one where you smile, no matter what the occasion, love what is going on, and are a generally happy and giving person. Everything is hopeful, no matter the situation. You knew, no matter what, it was going to be okay -- because it was the holiday season.

What would people think of a person who tried, year long, to act this way? Would they secretly laugh behind their back, saying that they had a foolish way of thinking? Would they not understand what the person was doing, instead of looking at the fact that the person was doing the most humane thing: thinking humanely?

So, now, as I drive by the house... I think that they might be trying to spread a message.... to hold on to those feelings that we really only allow ourselves one time a year. And, no matter what, be happy.

Blank Mind

2010-01-18T11:28:00.000-06:00

I seem to have lost my writing mojo. Its probably due to the fact that on a daily basis, 6 times a day, I am writing with my students. The dreaded TAKS test is quickly approaching and by the time I get home, all creative ideas are gone.

My students, though, I think are finally getting why writing is a good thing... and how it helps get out emotions you wouldn't and its like a bit a therapy, for those 20 minutes or so. So, lets hope they stay on the writing train so that they can continue to grow -- and maybe become writers!

I have noticed, though, how my goals are incorporating into my life and how well they are working. The stress from work is minimal. I'm doing what I have to do and I could careless what anyone says or thinks about it. I'm going to do my job to the best of my ability and that's all I can do. It really is a nice feeling when I leave work without feeling defeated... I missed those times immensely and its nice to have them back!

I am hoping that my writing mojo is going to be back -- or that I won't be so tired to not write when I come home.

An Important Message from Rocky Rockstar

2010-01-02T12:21:00.000-06:00

The writing below is from my dog, Rocky. It is inspired by Mama's Losin' It's writing prompts.

Hello everyone. My name is Rocky. I needed to hack into this blog to write a letter to my Mom & Dad, because I knew one of them would read it this way.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Hey there. I felt like I owed you a huge SORRY for the car ride home from Oba & Papa's. I know you hated it, since I was getting sick and all in the car, but can you imagine how I felt? I seriously thought I was in trouble for getting sick. Then, y'all pull the car over so I could get sick and believe it or not -- I thought you were dropping me off on the side of the road. I hoped it wasn't the case (and thankfully, it wasn't), but it scared me nonetheless. Which is why I tried to be on my best behavior for at least 24 hours when we got home. I hope I was.

I do have to say, though, I really liked being the "lone dog" over the holidays. Thanks for taking me with you to Grandma & Grandpa's and leaving the other (unworthy) dogs at Oba & Papa's. Although, I think they had tons of fun at Oba & Papa's and I'm a little bit jealous of that. Still, it was nice being the only dog y'all had to take care of. I got 100% of your attention and of everyone else... it was the best.

Now that we're back to normal, though, I do have some complaints I want to tell y'all about. I don't know that it will change anything, but I figured I should let you know.

First off -- why do I have to sleep in that crate thing? Seriously... I'm an older dog! I know what I'm doing. Yeah, I know sometimes I have accidents at night, but that's a part of life right? You have to go to the bathroom sometimes, too! I hear you! So, think about it -- I'm no pup anymore and I feel like I should be able to sleep where ever I please.

Secondly -- what is up with y'all going out of town and not taking us? You used to rarely do that; now it happens almost every time! Most times if you don't take us (like when you've been gone for weeks at a time), we get to go hang out with Oba. Please, please, please.... don't have that dog sitter come over. (I like him and all, but still). I don't like hanging out in my crate for extended amounts of time. Plus, Oba at least feeds us yummy food. So, think about that next time you have to go out of town. Or, you could just take us.

Third -- where the hell has Dad been going? I mean, seriously... its been like YEARS since he's really stayed at home. He does come home, I know, but then it seems like he is leaving again. I mean, it's cool when he does leave because Mom lets me sleep outside of the crate, but still... I don't like having to watch the house all the time. I'm not big enough. Plus, who knows if Austin is really going to pay attention.

And the other dogs -- seriously. It was cool when there was only 2 of us... and then it was cool when we got the girl in the mix. But, the baby? Really? I know what you are going to say -- it's my fault the baby is here. I get that you keep saying she's my kid, but I don't know.... I know Tink and I had a thing going for a bit, but what if she cheated on me? Have you thought of that? What if the kid isn't mine?

Once again, I'm sorry about the car ride... it sucked for everyone involved. Thankfully, I know I have a Mom who adores me more than anything and a Dad who loves me because I'm so weird.

Paws,

Rocky Rockstar

10 in 2010

2010-01-01T20:18:00.001-06:00

This year, instead of doing resolutions, I wanted to do goals... to hold on to for the rest of my life. Since it's a new decade and this is the year I turn 30, I figure this will be the year to implement the changes. (Also, to become more "adult-ish" although I think it's totally okay to not be a total adult.)

To love myself, inside and out - I think this coincides with the normal "I want to lose __ lbs this year" resolution, but that is not my goal this year. I need to figure out how I can be happy with who I am, on the outside, since I already love who I am on the inside. So, instead of sitting on my ass and complaining about my weight and the dislike of things... I need to either do something about it or just learn to accept it. (I am leaning towards doing something about it).
To be inspired - I know this might sound corny, but I need some inspiration in my life. I need to find the things that inspire me -- and stick with them. I have always been someone who is easily distracted, but I need to stick with things. Like the story I started writing three years ago... I should finish it. Or the scarf I've been knitting for a year... that needs to get done and sent on its way. Also, I need to get together my box of donations that I have going to be sent to a school in a third world country. I have the stuff, just need to mail it.
To find balance - The one thing about this year that drove me crazy was not being able to find balance between work and personal life. I felt like the entire 2009 year was dedicated to job... to which, I don't think is the best thing. This year, I am aiming on how to find balance between work and home. I need to NOT come home and sit on my butt, because I'm so mentally exhausted. I know that J needs this balance as much as I do -- not to say that he's hoping I can become balanced, but he has said he needs the balance. I'm thinking 60 days away from home can get to a person.
To continue only buying needs - This was probably the hardest thing for me - to not go buy new clothes every other weekend. I think this played into my thoughts about the holidays, too... which is why my list was so strange this year. But, I still did get things I wanted (and totally did not need) and it started a shopping spree that ended yesterday. Although, I was told to go buy the boots I want because "I deserve it." So, after the boot purchase, it is going back to buying needs... and I have to remind myself that I do not need to buy cold weather clothes because I am not the one traveling to the cold weather.
To not need to control every.little.thing - If I learned anything from the last three months of this year, it is that I do not control much of anything but instead only think I have control. I will go into this year with the realization that I don't need to control everything and I'm going to have to live with that fact. I can only do so much and let the rest happen.
To keep working on being patient - The other thing I learned from the past three months is the fact that I need more patience... and I can't try to make things hurry up and come. We're still in a holding pattern here -- yet, I wish I had J's attitude towards everything. He's just being patient and saying "good things will come from this," while I'm thinking to myself "just hurry up." So, patience is going to become one of my very best friends.
To speak my mind - One of the things I noticed about myself this year (and totally disliked and wondered where it came from) is that I kept my mouth shut on many things -- from personal, family, and work that actually affected me in some way and I knew I should say my piece. Yet, I never did speak up -- instead, I just bottled it up in some way. (It also affected the way I reacted to people, because in my head I wanted to say something, but felt like I couldn't because I was trying to be polite). So, in the end... I'm going to speak my mind when I know I should. I kept my mouth shut too many times in 2009.
To be positive, no matter the situation - I love having rose-colored glasses on. I couldn't imagine living life without them. I am going to continue staying positive, optimistic, and hopeful -- because that's the only way dreams come true. And yes, I do cry -- more often than people know -- but it doesn't mean I can't stay positive and grateful.
To keep faith that in the end, it will be what it will be - I cannot stress this enough to myself. I can't change things once they are done. I can only live with what happens in the end -- because once its done, its done. I also want to remember this statement when I think about all the stuff that is still up in the air.
To focus on the positive relationships in my life and fix the negative ones - I have to say, I am blessed to share my life with so many wonderful people. I love that I have these relationships in my life and I need to let them know how grateful I am to have them around. I couldn't imagine my life without my rock of a husband, who is always there for me. I also couldn't imagine life without my family; they are a constant source of support and I should really thank them more often for that. But, I also have some negative relationships in my life that I need to fix -- whether it takes some work on my part or if it takes cutting the ties. I need to keep the negative away and stay with the positive.

End of the Year, Already?!?

2009-12-31T09:40:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up and said "is it really the end of the year?" I feel like this month of December has flown by and the year has flown by as well.

Its weird, really.

For 2009, our new year started off in a tailspin, went into a total roller-coaster, and is back into a tailspin. We can only hold our breath to see where this tailspin will lead us.

I hope that 2010 will bring us what we've been thinking about, hoping for, and working towards.

I will say that this Xmas we were spoiled... and I'm so grateful that we were able to have Xmas with both sides of the family, without either one being disappointed. My family held off Xmas Day until Saturday, when we arrived to their side of Texas. It was nice, having that amount of time with family. It was also wonderful to have J around for the extended amount of time (and especially for the holidays -- I was worried he wouldn't be able to come home from work and stay up north...)

Tonight, since we haven't really been home we're going to do everything here. I honestly have no idea what we will be doing, but I am totally stoked for it to be just us -- especially since he leaves again on Sunday to go back out of town.

Now, I must go do the Asian thing and make sure that I deposit money into my account (because then it ensures that your accounts will constantly have deposits and you will have money throughout the new year) and clean up a bit. I'm also totally craving a donut ... so I might have to go pick up one of those.

I hope 2010 brings everything you are hoping/wishing/wanting!

Happy 101

2009-12-14T21:26:00.001-06:00

ShansPLC a wonderful writer, who gets you engrossed in these great stories about life, graciously gave me the Happy 101 award over the weekend. If, at any time, you need to find a good blog read -- go to her blog. Seriously. I once told her that I feel like her blog is a great TV show; I'm anxious to read the next post, because I need to know what happens next. For her to bestow this award to me is an honor and I'm so glad I found her in blogland!

So, this is how it goes....I have to list 10 things that make me happy, and try to do at least one of them today, then tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you must then link back to my blog.

1. J -- he totally makes me happy and I can't wait for him to be good for a longer stretch than a week. It will be so nice to have him around again. It also means I won't have to text him at weird hours with things I have to tell him, right then and there!

2. Hanging out with Rocky Rockstar, who is also my doggie soulmate. Although, I think Dad being out of town is wearing on him as much as it is me at this point... so we need to cuddle more often.

3. Sleeping. Hands down sleeping is one of my favorite things to do and lately, I've not been doing enough of it. The whole waking up at 4 a.m.? I'm over it.

4. Talking to my parents more often, even if it is only for a few minutes because they both want to rush off the phone. But, letting them know I care is good enough for me!

5. Keeping the house clean(er). Since I've been pushed into suddenly single life, I will say that cleaning is not on my priority list. But, tonight, I did a "quick clean" and I feel much better about it.

6. Reading books... although right now I'm totally pining for a Kindle. Seriously, I never thought I'd go "yeah, okay, I'll read on that thing..." but after the traveling this weekend (and the upcoming trips to visit family), I'd rather have one thing to carry than numerous different books.

7. Knitting. Yes, I knit. I like to do it. In fact, I totally enjoy it. But, I stopped awhile ago and haven't picked it back up. I need to make time for that.

8. Keeping a journal. A good old fashioned, my secrets stay in this place, type of journal. I've noticed I only do it when I'm down, but I have so many happy things to write about!

9. Laughing. I love to laugh. I love it when someone makes me laugh, even if its myself. I need to do it more often, since it seems like I've forgotten its one of my favorite things.

10. Eating yummy food. I love eating yummy food, healthy or not... I just love to eat. Eating is wonderful, I tell you!

For my 10 tags:

1. Megan at Live Laugh Lenz
2. Id at Insert Words Here
3. For the Love of Pictures at Boredom's Bounty
4. HandPecked at HandPeck Designs
5. Becka at My Loves
6. Molly Lou at Molly Lou Gifts
7. Anna at Girl From Around the Way
8. C.J. at Mr. Teacher Man
9. Jenn at Love, Life & Laughter with Jenn
10. Emily at Believe in Telekinesis

I've Come to Realize...

2009-12-13T22:08:00.004-06:00

Since I was gone this weekend, tonight was the first chance that I had to go through my reader. ShansPLC gave me a lovely award that I have not been able to get to (I promise, I will do it tomorrow... once I'm out of my semi-sad mood). ScoMan did an awesome realization sentence stem that I knew I had to steal.

So, here are my realizations:

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size... is not everything you'd think it would be; its pretty distracting for most and it makes me very self-conscious.

2. I've come to realize that my job... is something I love doing, but the politics is not something I want to participate in.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving... my number one goal is to make it to the destination as quickly as I can. Thank goodness for radar detectors.

4. I've come to realize that I need... my husband to not travel for a month at a time.

5 I've come to realize that I've lost... the idea that I need to worry about things out of my control.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when... I click on "send me an email" in regards to lost log in names or links and the email never arrives, no matter how many times you click on that stupid link.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk... I am pretty much up for anything and having a great time. Its the day after that bites me in the butt.

8. I've come to realize that money... isn't what really makes you happy. Yeah, its nice to splurge on the nice stuff, but the regular stuff will do me just fine.

9. I've come to realize that certain people... will stay the same no matter what happens. To each their own.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always... find something to do when I get really bored.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)... are really enduring, even if your age does set you apart.

12. I've come to realize that my mom... is one of the most important people in my life, even if I don't talk to her on a daily basis.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone... has a crack on the back, but I won't go buy a new one, because they would charge me full price.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning... I was already dreading the day to come -- especially since it meant leaving my hubs.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep... I figured out how lucky I am to be married to my soul mate.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking... that even though I'm chilly, I was much colder last night in negative degree weather.

17. I've come to realize that my dad... will always be my number one guy, my biggest supporter, and the person I go to about everything.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook... I just get on to stalk. Because, really, that's all I do.

19. I've come to realize that today... was an emotional day but that I kept reminding myself how great life is.

20. I've come to realize that tonight... I'm going to finish the book I started this morning and hopefully get some sleep.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow... is "get your butt out of bed on time" day, since I have a meeting at 8 a.m.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to... hang out with my husband more often. (Thankfully, only 5 more sleeps till I can!)

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is... anyone's guess. Although, I would love to read more answers.

24. I've come to realize that life... is unpredictable, uncontrollable, but an awesome ride.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend... was a great one! I got to see snow! I played slot machines! I spent the entire time with J.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset... is Jay Z, hands down. No other singer/rapper can put me in a better mood... unless its Poe, honestly.

27. I've come to realize that my friends... are NOT a dime a dozen and I'm so lucky to have them.

28. I've come to realize that this year... started off shaky, and is ending in a big question mark, but that its been a good one.

29. I've come to realize that my EX... tra fabulous car needs to be taken in to be serviced.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should... get ready to go to bed, since I must get up on time tomorrow morning.

31. I've come to realize that love... isn't always sunshine and smiles. But, that's okay with me, as long as we end up on the other side together.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand... why people continuously put themselves in situations that evoke drama.

33. I've come to realize my past... is my past for a reason.

34. I've come to realize that parties... are where I drink way too much Firefly.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified... of not being able to take care of myself.

36. I've come to realize that my life... is pretty awesome.

37. I have come to realize that I... really enjoy dabbling in lots of things, like sewing, knitting, and photography. But, I just can't limit myself to one or find the time to do them all.

This is one of my favorite pics from my trip this weekend.

The Great Divide

2009-12-11T00:19:00.000-06:00

No one ever explained to me that once you became a "we," there'd be a couple custody battle over the holiday season.

I feel like its one of those unspoken marriage issues that comes up and has to be dealt with swiftly; regardless of the emotional ties to either side. The right thing has to be done and life has to move forward.

Yet, I still get a little touchy on the idea of splitting the holiday season.

I think my ideals were skewed. I have an older brother, and to his credit, doesn't seem to have the custody battle waging. Thanksgiving custody was decided years ago. Every other year, my parents are destined to make the trip up to his house, where Thanksgiving is shared with both sets of parents. The years between, he and his family make the 27 hour drive down to my parents house to spend Thanksgiving with them.

Christmas is not really an issue with my brother's in-laws. They're Jewish. So, unless it is a strange year where Christmas and Hanukkah are at the same time... its not a problem. Even when they do fall at the same time, its not a high holiday, so there isn't a pressure to be in town. He and his family only celebrate Christmas because my parents love having the grandkids around for that time (and to spoil them with copious amounts of gifts), so they do the whole Christmas shebang, without the real emotional attachment to it.

For me, though... it seems to be heading in a different direction.

I feel like one of my friends put it best when she said "Its normal for a person to want to spend Christmas with their own family -- its the only thing they've ever done."

I agree whole-heartedly.

BUT, I did get married, and I knew that they had a family that felt the exact same way.

So, I am spending Christmas day somewhere different than I've ever been. It will be the first time that I've ever spent that day away from my niece and nephew in their lives. It will be the first time I've ever spent the day away from my parents. It will be the first time for me to wonder what to expect when it all goes down.

To say I'm a little anxious is an understatement.

But, since I know that I married into a family I am going to do it. It's going to be weird, a little scary, and hopefully wonderful. But, change is change.

And one day, I hope to come to a pleasing custody arrangement for ALL sides involved.

Letting the Cards Fall

2009-12-01T22:42:00.000-06:00

I swear, we are being tested once again in learning how to let go control.

It SUCKS. With a capital S.

I hate not knowing if/when/where the cards will land, and where things are going.

There is no real other way to describe other than a really sucky feeling in the pit of your stomach. That can't you talk to (many) people about. (There are the select few that know, but really... its pretty much a private matter. And, I sometimes can't keep my mouth shut).

I can tell you this, though. I am, all the same time, excited, nervous, scared to death, happy, and confused. I do not know how to deal with the emotions I'm dealing with, especially not having the ability to get things off my chest.

While J knows all about it, I am not going to bother him with my mindless drownings, while he is dealing with his own stuff right now. Because, remember, we're both going through this. He more than I, though.

So, at this point, the only thing I can do is focus on the idea that this a lesson in letting go. A lesson in allowing things to happen as they will, not as I want them to. I will say, though, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Letting go of control over a situation, that is.

Home Sweet Home

2009-11-29T18:28:00.004-06:00

I do have to say, I'm in love with my new blog format! Thank you so much to Louise at AdoriGraphics.com for doing such a wonderful job. I am beyond pleased and I love it!

While I love going to visit family for the holidays, I have to admit... I miss being at home.

To me, there is nothing better than sleeping in your own bed, with your own sheets, comforter, and pillow.

The other thing about being at a family member's house is the whole not being able to do what you want. I know that sounds strange, but I have gotten so used to J & I doing things around the house the way we want to. Say, I want to watch stupid trashy reality TV and he wants to do something else... then, I just go to the bedroom and watch what I want. If I want to go run around and do things, I can. If I want something for dinner, then I'll make sure we have it. When you are with family, that all seems to disappear... because you are doing things with them, so you have to schedule everything around them.

I feel like that makes me sound so ungrateful and rude, but 6 full days without being home and running around and being busy... well, it makes me so happy to be home!

So, now that I'm home, I'm going to go read, lounge around, and then go to bed extremely early... since I have a goal of being at work by 7:30. I'm not going to put money on being there at that time, but I can sure try!

Thankful For...

2009-11-24T14:12:00.002-06:00

My Life: I know this is a cliche and everyone says it at some point... but really, I'm totally thankful for the life I have and have been given. I know that I could want for so much more... but really I don't. I am so grateful about having the things in my life that I have, knowing I do not NEED for anything, and that I'm surrounded by things that make me happy.

My Dogs: Okay, as silly as that sounds... I love my doggies. Yesterday, one of my coworkers talked about what kind of mom I'm going to be, just from my interactions with my dogs. They make me so happy! I love how each of them has their own personalities and is always so excited to see one of us. Plus, they crack me up. I could watch them for hours and still be entertained.

My Actual Job, not the politics that go with it: I love my job... the teaching part of my job. I love being surrounded by brains soaking up knowledge, learning things (even when they think they aren't) and seeing them figure things out. I get frustrated, yes, but it usually goes away quite quickly. If I could stay in a classroom for the rest of my life (and not deal with any of the other stuff...) I would be ecstatic.

Time Off: Sounds corny, as much as I said I enjoy my job... but everyone needs a break. Especially if you work 60 hours a week. I need to have a few mental days off. While I wish we were staying home this year, we are not... so I'm going to make the best of things. I'll still get to sleep in (a bit) and I won't be at work. I may not have my chair and bed, but it'll be okay.

I am ready for 4:00 p.m. to come so I can walk out of here and go home... to get ready for Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has a wonderful Turkey Day and relaxes...

Sparkling Clean

2009-11-22T18:02:00.000-06:00

I still hate cleaning.

Today, while I went with some lovely ladies to go watch New Moon, J was sweet enough to clean the majority of the house. I came home to clean laundry, a clean kitchen, and a clean master... yet, one of the things we've worked out is that I will do the floors if he'll do the other stuff.

Since I hate cleaning and all.

But, what you wouldn't be able to guess is that I'm completely OCD about the cleanliness of my floors. During the summers, I think I vacuumed on a daily basis and hand washed my floors on a weekly basis. The entire time during the summer, though, I'd be so happy with my clean floors and that I had the time to do it every single week.

Reality came back when the school year started and I will bashfully admit that my floors go to the wayside when the school year begins. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and have no want to clean my floors. Randomly, I'll vacuum during the week, but the tile floors... boy do they get neglected. Hand-washing the floors has gone out the window and the Swiffer WetJet is the standby.

I just finished cleaning the tile floors of our house. While I am grateful for the invention of the Swiffer WetJet, the entire time I was cleaning them I was fighting the urge to get out the bucket and rag to start hand-washing the floors. I feel like the WetJet doesn't get it as clean as some good old fashioned elbow grease. I also know I don't have 3 hours to use good old fashioned elbow grease to clean the floors.

I want my house to sparkle like they do in the movies. I want my floors to be as spotless as possible (with four dogs and two cats). Yet, I don't have the energy to do it. J thinks I'm crazy for wanting it to be so perfect, but I'm telling you... its one of those things my mom ingrained in me and I can't let it go.

If we were rich enough, I'd just hire a maid to come in every other day to do it for me. Oh... to dream!

So, how do you keep your floors sparkling clean while also working full time, having a life, and a family? Any ideas?

Hope Floats

2009-11-18T19:50:00.000-06:00

"Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

Hope Floats, The Movie

I am an undying optimist, especially when it comes to life. I see things through rose-colored glasses (and probably always will) and always hope for the best outcome. If there is something I want to happen, I let swirl around in my head... and allow myself to keep the hope alive, even if it is fruitless.

Yet, I thought to myself the other day: When is it okay to give up hope?

I haven't answered this question that I posed to myself, mainly because I don't want to know the answer. I want to continue having that hope, for whatever it is, to be in my head. I want to continue to thinking about situations and predicaments that are in life with the *hope* that it will turn out the way I want.

I don't want to ever have to give up hope for anything.

Yet, sometimes I think my life would be simpler if I did. If I didn't keep hope in my head, then I wouldn't internalize things, be stressed about things out of my control, and wonder when an answer would happen. Instead, I would just live my life and wait for things to happen. If they did: IT WOULD BE GREAT. If they didn't, well no big loss, because it is what it is.

J is the type of person that is very cut and dry when it comes to things. When its done, its done... and that's how he lives his life. I wish I could be like that, honestly. I wish that once something was done, I could let go and move on.

Yet, most of the time, if its something that I want to happen for my family... I can't let it go.

So, I'm grappling with the idea of NOT letting go of hope while not allowing something to consume my mind.

Yet, I know... I won't let hope disapate. It will still be there.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

Albert Einstein

Thankful For...

2009-11-16T20:41:00.000-06:00

You know how you have those people in your life and you think to yourself "wow, I wonder what I would have done without them?" And, to this day, 13 years later... they are still there, even though you both have grown up, moved around, gotten older, changed with age, started families (at least for one of you... the other one only has fur babies), and through it all... you still lean on each other.

I am lucky enough to say I have one of those friends. A friend that I couldn't imagine my life without, a friend that my husband knows means so much to me that he picks up souvenirs for her, a friend that a day rarely goes by without us talking... and I don't know how I got so blessed or what happened. See, for you to understand, I have to take you back 13 years....

We met in high school. We both had classes together and truly... we didn't really like each other. Our friends were friends though (although that was a laugh in itself... but back to the subject) and we somehow got meshed up together and became friends.

I remember not liking her, but you know what stands out the most? How our friendship has gone through the years -- from after high school, to me eating at her house every night after class, to being apart of her wedding to me moving to DC to go to college, to our roadtrips back and forth from DC, to graduation, to her baby being born, to her moving to Myoming (and SD), to me moving to Hippo Land, to her being apart of my day, to her moving back... and the constant throughout that time: our friendship and love for each other.

I don't know where I'd be without her. We've seen each other through heartache and happiness, from families coming together to families being born.... to just being excited to see each other for one day; to racing down to be each other's support system. She is like my sister from another mother (and to this day, I still call her mom "Mom") and someone I don't want to imagine my life without.

So, BFFE ... I heart you! I am so thankful for you. Thank you for being apart of my life and sharing your life with me.

Thankful For...

2009-11-15T20:35:00.000-06:00

The next people I'm grateful for, I don't know what I would have done without them. They are my biggest fans, the most compassionate people, and really -- the most awesome family in the world.

My parents are people that I've always admired. Their stories have always amazed me; their strength in each other and themselves have wowed me. I have never seen them give up on anything, and many times -- I wish I had their strengths in regards to this.

They are also the people I go to when I feel like life is going crazy and I don't know how to handle it. They've been through so much -- moves, changes, racism, all of that -- that I know they'll have really good advice for me. The best part of it, they don't sugarcoat it for me. It is what it is. They are wonderful.

The next part of my family I know I couldn't live without is my brother and his adorable family. Seriously... my brother is the best. We may not have always have seen things eye to eye (which is what happens when there is a 10 year age difference...) but I couldn't ask for a better brother.

Take this for example: I have had an aching for Entenman's lately and since I live in a state where they don't really sell and he does, I asked him to find something for me. He went to three different stores to try and find it! While his kids were sick, work was busy, and all that stuff. Another example: he's a talented musician and the one thing I wanted one my wedding day was for him to play while I walked down the aisle. And he did. And I heard it. I knew it was him, helping me walk down the aisle as I had envisioned... even though he was playing an emotional song (to me and my family), and even though he got choked up... he did it. He is as selfless as my parents, even though it doesn't always go noticed.

His family is also awesome. I know I can talk to my SIL about anything, that my niece and nephew love me, and that really -- we're totally happy to be around each other.

So, really -- I'm thankful for my family. All of them. All 30+ of them, really... I don't know where I'd be without such a huge support system!

Thankful For...

2009-11-13T16:08:00.000-06:00

Every day I try to remember my blessings. Every day, I try to look around and be thankful for everything that is in my life. I know that my life is infinitely blessed, especially with the economy the way it is now. I also know I'm healthy, happy, and loved and those are huge blessings.

But, for the next few weeks, I am hoping to recount things that I am thankful for... so here goes nothing!

One of the biggest blessings in my life is my husband. There is no other way to put it. I do not know who I would be at this point in my life, if our paths had never crossed.

He is the person who keeps me calm, level-headed, and logical -- especially when I don't want to be. He keeps his family in mind when thinking about things and when doing things. He is willing to live with my eccentricities, even if they seem crazy at the time (and for the rest of his life). He puts up with me working non-stop, being stressed to the max, and crying on his shoulder... and tries to help me figure out different ways to make things work.

He is always there for me. He is my best friend. He also keeps me in mind, doing things to try to make my life easier like: cleaning out the kitty litter box, even though he hates it! And... the best thing (at least in regards to cleaning the house), he does the laundry since I loathe it so much! (I loathe doing the laundry but I don't mind folding... you figure that one out!)

So, J -- thank you! Thank you for being yourself, for keeping me grounded, while also allowing me to dream BIG. Thank you for being so supportive, and in my mind -- the best husband ever.

Blog Header Giveaway? NO WAY!!

2009-11-12T19:58:00.000-06:00

Today I was doing my normal blog surfing activity after work and came across this a wonderful giveaway. I honestly could not believe my eyes, when I saw what this giveaway entailed! I know that many people (like myself) have a hard time doing the html and all that other stuff that goes on with blogging... but the writing comes easily. Adori Graphics is a wonderful site that is made just for people who want to jazz up their blogs, but for a totally reasonably price!

The giveaway includes a made just for you header.

Make sure that you go check out the blog and look around! I know that I am totally pining for many things on this site....

Requesting a Moment of Silence

2009-11-11T21:17:00.000-06:00

Today is Veteran's Day, which usually goes by without being remembered or noticed. I think nowadays, the only thing we notice is the fact that we get a day off and that there are parades happening that mess up our driving schedules.

Yet, this day was created so that we could do what we need to do -- to remember the fact that every single day, men and women are risking their lives so that we can continue living ours.

The military is such a huge part of my life -- I honestly wouldn't be here if it weren't for the military, which brought my two parents together even though they were worlds apart.

My grandfather was a proud commander of a tank armory, and was present when the Concentration Camps were liberated (as well as D Day). My grandfather rarely spoke about those times in his life, other than saying it was hard (and using the racial slurs that came with the time). I know that he spoke of giving my Jewish brother something he was proud of -- and when he passed, the family made sure that my brother and his family received it. It was a token of gratitude from a liberated prisoner and my brother now has it in safe keeping. I was given a 1912 camera, which my grandfather took off a German soldier during WWII. Each of these are reminders of things we (my brother and I) have never endured, but know they were obtained by a man that we admire greatly and fought for freedoms that we have today.

My father followed his father's footsteps -- for two reasons. First off, he was the oldest child of 6 and it was an expectation that my father do this. The second reason (and the main reason, in my humble belief) is that he knew by joining an ongoing war (the Vietnam War) his younger brothers would not be drafted into something that he did not believe that they should encounter: war.

I know my father enjoyed his time in the United States Air Force. He often talks of the journeys he was able to go on, the things he learned, and the laughter he had with his comrades. He also looks back, sometimes longingly, saying he should have stayed in until he retired and continued down the road. Then, he'll sigh and say "but that's not the road I took and I couldn't be more thankful for my life."

The military is within my extended family as well: 3 uncles and a cousin that served proudly.

Each of these individuals were willing to put their lives on the line for things that could not be seen, but for ideals that were determined to make our lives better. These individuals never once thought of themselves during these journeys, but instead continued on with what they were doing and serving our country. These individuals don't ask for much, other than the respect of the people that they are protecting. These individuals are people that are so intertwined with our lives, even when we don't realize it. These individuals are people like us and usually answer with "we haven't done anything special."

So, please, even if it isn't Veteran's Day, remember to thank every person that has or is serving our country.

Control Freak

2009-11-05T21:22:00.002-06:00

I'm one of those controlly-anal people that other people usually hate.

I need things to be in their exact place when I get them into my hand (I'm also one of those people that are known for misplacing things I don't put in the right place). I have files for things, I have places for things, I have to know where they are. (I also tend not to put things back in their place, but that's a different thing all of itself). I am one of those people who will go out of their way to drive their own car, even if that does mean driving 20 minutes to go pick you up. (I honestly hate being without my car, in any situation).

Needlesstosay, I am someone who likes to have control over what is going on in my life, in every single aspect.

I think I'm being taught a lesson on learning how to let go.

Sometimes, life is this is huge roller coaster. You get married. Start living your life the way you thought it was going to be (probably for awhile). Realize that sometimes change has to happen, but that it can happen on your own terms. Continue living life, feeling like its all under control.

Then, your path comes to this pesky intersection. Its like your car stalled out -- because you can't go anywhere, move forward, turn, anything. Mainly because there is something blocking your path; something you have no control over and have to wait for someone to move it so you know where the car can go. (Strange metaphor, huh?)

I don't like not knowing which way we're going. I don't like not having any control over it. I really hate the feeling I get from it.

But, its totally out of my control.

So, I keep telling myself to take a deep breathe, live my life, and just wait and see what happens. (Patience is also not one of my strengths). I have to live with what I know and let the chips fall.

Either way, I'm preparing myself for which ever way it turns out. At least I can say I have control over that.

Suddenly Single - For Now

2009-11-02T20:30:00.000-06:00

This week (and possibly next) J will is out of town on business. This is something that I'm not used to and although this is the first night alone, I find myself wondering what I'm going to do, who I'm going to talk to, and how I'm going to handle *potentially* doing this for the next two weeks.

When J worked for Big Computer Company, he travelled. He travelled to far off, exotic locations and would send me pictures of these jaunts. We spoke mainly by IP addresses, with him hooking me up with a nifty headset, so we could talk without making outrageously expensive international phone calls.

Although he'd be gone for extended amounts of time, it was okay. I remember being totally okay and having the occasional sadness, but in the end... I was good.

Yet, he stopped working for Big Computer Company and began working for Big Internet Company -- travel wasn't really going to be an issue. This is the second time he's travelled with this job

Tonight, though, since its the first night -- I am sad. I know it will disapate, but tonight its raw enough where it matters. Tonight is a night where I've become a hermit, not talking to many people, and being a total girl.

Tomorrow, though, I will get up and be positive. I will realize that my emotions took over and life doesn't stop because a husband travels. (I am not the only one with a husband who travels... nor am I anything like the military wives who have more strength than I could imagine having).

So, for the next few days (or weeks, depending on this goes...) I will be going into single behavior. Eating frozen dinners (Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine are stocked in the freezer), taking up the entire king size bed, letting the crazy Rocky sleep outside of his crate (so he can cuddle with me), and watching good ol' girly tv.

I still wish he were here, though.

Balance

2009-10-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

Lately I have noticed that my life is lacking an equilibrium between the two different worlds that are combined. It is one of those dilemmas that I can't seem to conquer mentally or physically, although I desperately want to. Yet, I have no idea where to begin.

I have always been one of those people who put themselves 150% into whatever I'm doing at the time. It could be school, work, my relationship, or whatever.... Lately, its my job. The job that consumed the majority of my week, last week, and didn't allow me to get home until about 7 p.m. every night.

Granted, I knew when I decided to change careers that it would probably end up like this. I knew that being a teacher involved lots of time, lots of effort, and lots of free time taken away from me. (And even when I have free time, I'm so exhausted that I sit on my butt and do nothing). I think I figured that after some experience, the time would become less... yet, it hasn't. I feel like I'm even more exhausted now than I was my first year!

Yet, I can watch other people leave immediately after the last bell - with no worries and totally relaxed. I am incredibly jealous of these people... and wish I didn't care so much about what others thought of me and my performance.

There is a toll that is being taken on my personal life that I'm not so comfortable with. I miss hanging out with my husband. I miss lounging around with my dog. I miss talking to my friends.

I need to find balance. How do you, with all that you do, find balance between these two aspects of your life?

Happiness Maker

2009-10-18T20:20:00.000-05:00

For the last year or so, J and I pretty much stopped spending money on anything we didn't need. We didn't start off like this, we had just talked about not wanting to spend as much as we had been and so we were going to take a break. Really, it ended up being almost a full year of not shopping for things unless we really needed them. (Or could truly justify a purchase... usually by getting rid of something to get a new thing.)

So, for a girl like me, who has always shopped... this past year showed me so much about myself. I learned I could do it -- that really, deep down inside I am a responsible adult and there is no reason why I shouldn't be one. It also taught me that I could end my love affair with over-priced clothes and other retail items. I promise you, I can find the cutest things in the strangest places... and many times, what I pay now would make you question how it is done.

This weekend a dear friend of mine that I've known since I was 7 (seriously! 7 years old! Her son is the same age we were when we met.) came up and we went and did girl things.... we went shopping! Our first excursion wasn't the best, but since we left J at home with her kiddo, we went back by the house to figure out what to do. We decided to head back out, with the boys in tow.... and we raked it in. I bought what I have deemed a "party dress" for a steal... as well as a shower/semi-formal dress for a steal.

The biggest news of the day....

When J said "I think you should buy yourself this (pointing) Coach purse," I said no. (I still am wondering why I said no...)

I am still patting myself on the back for that one. I have never, once passed up buying a new purse. I have closet in this house dedicated to my purses. I have gone through my purses going "where/when did I get this? Its cute!" and then used it for the next few months. I have made my husband travel through Japan to go to a specific store to get a specific purse... I am a purse fiend. I don't spend money on much, but I will pay outrageous amounts of money for a purse.

I am still pretty proud of myself.

I still want a new purse.

I am still trying to hold out on buying a new one, because really... it isn't what I need.

But, sometimes, I really miss that happiness that comes with buying something I really want like that...

(I guess I need to find a new happiness maker).

What thing makes you giddy with happiness?

Safety Net

2009-10-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

Before we got married, people would say to us: "marriage isn't easy; it will be full of wonderful things and full of stressful things -- its all about how you handle it." And being the confident, cocky, in love couple that we were, we'd smile and say we knew, but inside we figured it was a bunch of lore and it doesn't really happy when you love someone as much as we do.

Ignorance is bliss, right? Especially the ignorance of a young couple in love.

Granted, many of our rough times are not due to fighting between us. I don't want to sound smug or anything, but J and I are really good about communicating. If I'm upset, he can pretty much tell and gets it out of me (even if it 24 hours later); if he's upset, he has no qualms of letting me know what is wrong. (Which, I am totally grateful for because I can potentially take anything the wrong way.)

Yet, even though we don't fight, life tends to put things to test. A few weeks ago was one of those weeks, which was unexpected, an emotional rollercoaster, and a toll on both of us. Yet, we made it on the other side standing up.

I never doubted that we would not make it... I just wondered how we'd fair the storm. I didn't know if I would become a ball of an emotional mess; I didn't know how J would do throughout the stress. Yet, I never doubted that we would make it.

Throughout the whole thing, I continually counted my blessings in having a husband like J. He helps keep me grounded and sane, when there are times that I feel like I could float away. I know that I'm lucky, and I want to keep it that way.

Tubthumping*

2009-09-17T21:15:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have those days when you get home and you just smile? Things get said and you get excited... and you realize that yes, life can be what you want it to be as long as you work towards it. You get excited, you get hopeful, you get in a state of euphoria -- all because you realized that those dreams that seem so far away could be within reach.

And then...

Life smacks you hard in the face to try and wake you up.

I hate that part about life. Why was it, when you were young, everyone told you to reach for the stars, always dream about bigger and better things, and to never give up? I know that those adults were probably facing the same tedious, mundane things that we, now as adults, have to deal with. Yet, they continued to tell us that we shouldn't stop dreaming or believing in ourselves, no matter what happens.

I'm trying to keep that in mind. I'm trying to remind myself that life will happen no matter what we do, but not give up on the things we are hope to happen in our lives.

Sometimes, though... its really f'in hard.

And at the same time, I know that we are going to be able to handle anything that comes our way. Because, that's a part of life... handling things that come your way.

I will also never, ever give up that hope that we will get to our dreams.

*The entire time I was writing this, I kept thinking of the Tubthumping song... "I get knocked down, but I get up again.. You ain't ever going to keep me down."

Homebodies

2009-09-13T17:23:00.000-05:00

J and I met many years ago (almost 7), when we were both much younger and had much different habits than we do now. We rarely spent a weekend sitting at home; instead, we were often out and doing things, living our young lives to the fullest.

My goodness, how 7 years can change things.

I remember thinking a few weeks ago about how different we have become. When we first met, we were both working but also went out almost every single night. It was like we continued our college years, since we didn't get to spend them together, and did the college thing. (I think it also helped that I was still in school, so it didn't feel like I was a total grown up... although, I was getting my Master's degree).

Then, life got in the way. I changed career paths, J left Big Computer Company, we moved into the house, needed a new (bigger) car, and bam! Somehow, going out every weekend wasn't as important as it was; we were happy watching movies, cooking out, and hanging out together. Getting sloshed at the bar (and having J take care of me) didn't sound as enticing as a good night's sleep. Spending $60 to go drink seemed a bit unreasonable, especially since we have more than enough liquor in the house.

There are times, though, that I get grumpy with not going out as often as we used to. I want to go out, play pool, play poker, drink one too many vodkas & 7s. And so we do; but for the most part, I have become a total homebody.

I'm okay with it.

Its strange how it all happens, though, isn't it? No one really warns you that your life will be going through these changes, but you do. No one ever says "once you get married, things show up in a different perspective." But, for the most part, I think it does. At least, it has in this house.

And I couldn't love it more.

Let's Get Physical

2009-08-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

I have to admit something.

I am terribly awkward when it comes to physical contact. And not that kind of physical contact...

Honestly, I don't do well when it comes to the following things: handshaking, hugs, hi-fives, fist bumps... anything that means contact with another person. (Well, really any other person that is outside of my family... I can hug my family, because you, they're family).

I rarely admit this. It is one of my deep dark secrets... I don't like many to know, but I am willing to let them know that I don't like being hugged or touched. I don't know why and I don't know when it happened... but I've always been hesitant of "getting physical."

I had a long talk with my older brother about it -- he said he doesn't have the same "issues" that I do, but he doesn't like to be hugged by random people. He said its one of the many things that make us so different... we have different views on everything, really.

It probably seems strange if you ever see J and I together. I'm not anti-touching with him; but I have noticed that we don't constantly hold hands or are touching in some way. I do love to get really good hugs from him -- he's doesn't really take part in the awkward part for me.

But, when I hug my friends... like hello or goodbye, I feel so strange, so awkward, so uncomfortable. There is no other words to describe how I feel. I understand the idea of hugs... but the actual doing of hugs, that's another thing. I don't do well at it. Its weird to me, how my body and mind don't agree with the actual physical contact.

My friends still hug me. They accept that its going to be a weird hug. They know it comes with the territory. I feel bad, though, because I should be able to hug -- its a natural thing.

So, that's who I am. I am an awkward hugger. And I'm okay with it.

Courage

2009-08-10T20:33:00.000-05:00

It takes courage to jump into something, blindfolded and feet first. Most people don’t realize that it takes courage; instead they decide to only dream about it and disregard it as one. They never fully jump in.

Thinking of my Mom, I wonder how she did it. How did she know that leaving her family, her culture, her world behind? Did she know inside of her that it was the right decision, rather than going with that knot forming in her stomach? Where did she find the strength to do that; to up and turn her world around 180 degrees?

I can’t fathom what… or how she did it. All I know is that she did. She’s much stronger than I am at this point in my life; and makes me want to be like her. It took me a long time to realize how strong she is. When I was younger, childish, and immature, I never realized how much courage my mother had in her. I just thought of her as the mom that was the most embarrassing one; the one who spoke with an accent; the lady that looked different from everyone else and therefore made me look different.

I didn’t understand everything that she went through to give me the life that she did; that she was going through a battle on a daily basis. She came to the States at a time when racism against Asians was in full force (remember the Interment Camps?!? And those pesky wars in Vietnam and Korea?) and knew that she would be facing things that she was not used to. I know that she was acutely aware of the racism happening – her own father-in-law still harbored the prejudice views – and that she knew her children would be labeled as different in the end. She was willing to break down those walls to make sure our lives were made of the American Dream.

I know bits and pieces about her life before the “big change.” My Mom has one of those lives that you go “Really?!? That happened in your life?” Her parents got divorced shortly after she was born, which was pretty much unheard of back then. (Realize that my mom was born in 1948… in Japan.) She is the baby, although she has a twin brother. Sometime between the age of 3 and 4, her mother decided that she should come live with her, rather than her father. So, she was taken while she was playing outside. For about a year, none of her family knew where she was… until her mother died in an accident. One of her older sisters, Aiko, went to the city to pick her up and brought her home. She was the baby, once again, in her rightful place. Which makes me wonder, even more, how she had the courage to up and leave her family for a new one she had not yet formed?

The thing about the Japanese culture is that you don’t marry outside the race; especially an American. Back in the day, once you did that, you were pretty much disowned from your family. Which is exactly what happened to my mom; even though she had her father’s blessing, the family cut off communication with her for almost 15 years before they were back on speaking terms. That’s also about the length of time she went without going back to Japan.

Yet, she had the courage to live the life that she knew she needed to live. She packed up her things, got married to the hated Gaijin, and moved half way around the world to start her family. She understood what she was giving up in hopes for what she would be receiving. She had faith in her life, her path, and what was going to happen – she jumped in feet first.

Monkey in the Middle

2009-08-06T20:04:00.001-05:00

Remember that game that you played when you were a kid; you put someone in the middle and toss things over their head knowing they won't be able to catch it? I was usually that kid in the middle, mainly because I was always the shortest one -- and the youngest one. I usually played for a bit, until I realized I would never get the thing being tossed over my head. I didn't pout about it, just kind of said "I'm done," and walked away.

But today, I couldn't really walk away. Mainly because there wasn't anything tangible being thrown over my head; and mainly because it involved family. I can't walk away from family.

The bad thing about my family is that its big, which means when you have a big family, big drama happens. Even when you don't want it to happen.

I don't know how it happened, but somehow I was sucked into some type of fight that I wasn't totally aware was happening. I was taken off-guard, confused, and angry that it happened. And I don't know how to react.

My stance on this issue was to stay out of it -- because, really, I have my own problems and I know that I would want to fix their problems, before focusing on me. (Because that's how I do thing).

Half of me, right now, wants to write a very long email explaining that I am appalled by the accusations; how I don't want to be involved; and how I still love them because in the end, we're family. Will I have the balls to do this? Probably not tonight; probably not tomorrow -- but probably sometime in the future, I will, once I deal with all the emotions going through my head.

And, in the end, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... because, like I said, they're family.

Summer Blues

2009-08-03T21:52:00.001-05:00

Its that time of year, again, when summer starts to end and the school year begins. Its the summer blues time. Granted, this year I didn't have much of a summer, but it has been tremendous to not have to work on Fridays, being home by 2 (and this only happened when I didn't leave because I was chit-chatting with people), and overall, feeling good about life.

Yet, in a few short weeks, my life will become, once again, centered around a school day. I am hoping that this year will be different from last year; we're almost out of that transition stage at work, I'm getting a groove with balancing both things, and I just feel positive about the whole thing.

Plus, I'm starting off this year with a new camera -- a girls' dream, I tell you! My poor little dual-lens Kodak died a slow horrible death... and so, I researched, bought a camera, decided I didn't like it, and went back for another camera. The Canon Powershot is my new camera love, next to my SLR. I originally went with the smaller, cheaper, little-sister version of this one and was.not.happy. I've come to expect too much from my cameras, (at which I blame my Canon Rebel XTi, because really, its awesome). So after debating with myself, I decided to jump all in and go ahead and get the "upgraded" version. (Although, the guy at the store was all about me keeping the one I had... seriously?? I just bought it 24 hours ago, I think I can return it.)

Here are some of the first pictures I took with it... can you tell why I love it?

As Roy Orbison says: "I see the shadows on the run; I see the setting of the sun. At last my working day is done; The setting of the sun is finally done."